owning your life – D. Scott Maiorca

April 10, 2024April 10, 2024 dscottmaiorca Real life

I’m Done Kicking Myself For Not Being Someone Else

I published my first Novella in 2019. I was finishing my MFA and. Had taken countless writing classes over the years. I thought I knew everything. Of course I didn’t, and still don’t. Here are a few things I have learned since then.

When I first published, everything I’d read said to keep your genres separate. If you write in different genres, use a different pen name for each. That sounded like good advice, and I think for a rapid release author that’s still true. Rapid release authors publish a book every month or at least every two months.

I am not a rapid release author. I write daily, but my brain doesn’t focus on one story at a time. Currently, I am writing on four different novels/novellas and a slew of short stories. I will finish them all. I write about a thousand words a day towards them. That means over a year I may finish two of the novels and some short stories, or I may finish tons of shorts and one novel. So far this year, it’s early April. I have finished four short stories, and one novelette. This year I have written 100,000 good, mostly publishable words. I’ve tried sticking to one story at a time, and my brain just doesn’t work like that.

Listening to my muse and writing what she tells me works for me as long as I write daily. As long as I write daily, I will complete my projects. It will just take me longer.

I used to feel bad about that. I could see very successful indie authors. A couple of them are friends of mine in real life. I’ve watched one of them write a 1000,000 word novel in a week, then spend less than a week copy editing and designing the book cover. I tried to be like them. Trying to be like them caused me to create so much pressure for myself that I quit trying to write for publication. I didn’t quit writing. I just did free writes and an occasional writing session beyond that. Eventually that pressure turned into kicking myself, for not being someone else.

I firmly believe the secret to life was written about the Oracle of Delphi’s cave several thousand years ago. Know thyself and all things in moderation. I told my students for years that’s the secret of life. I’ve told them if they actually know who they are, then they’d be harder to stop. If you know who you are, you know what you’re capable of, and you know what you’re worth. I, on their other hand, didn’t know who I was, at least as a writer. I tried being someone else. I was terrible at being someone else.

Christmas Eve I gave myself permission to be myself as a writer. Over 1000,000 good, publishable words in a little over three months, shows I’m a pretty good me. I’m writing great stories, submitting them to traditional publications, submitting quarterly to Writers of The Future, and getting close to finishing my first full-length novel.

I’m also done kicking myself for not being someone else.

March 25, 2024 dscottmaiorca Real life

Celebrate The Victories

I set at goal at the end of last year. I would either win the Writer’s of the Future contest this year or pro out. It’s, I believe the oldest science fiction and Fantasy writing contest. I’ve submitted to the contest sporadically since 2016.

In 2019 My story Not a Piece of Cake earned an honorable mention. At first I was elated. It was acknowledgement that my writing was getting good. I almost cried when I received the certificate. Pretty quickly my resistance kicked in and I convinced myself it wasn’t a big deal. I eventually posted it on Kindle unlimited as The Zone. You can read it there for free.

I went ahead and reentered the contest and, nothing happened, other than more rejections. Then I quit entering, until December of last year year. I entered for the first quarter of 2024.

I just heard back from them, and another honorable mention for my story Secondhand Speedos and other things you find at the Dump. From what I’ve researched that means I was in the top 10 percent of entries last year quarter. They have several thousand entries every quarter, so while it’s a rejection, it’s also a win. I’m now submitting the same story to other paying publishers.

I’m putting the polishes on my next entry 12 Miles Out, deadline is March 31st.

Here’s a link to the contest if you’re interested in entering. https://www.writersofthefuture.com

May 18, 2021May 18, 2021 dscottmaiorca 4 am

Maybe Discomfort is a Blessing

I think we get comfortable very easily, at least I do. It’s not just me though. Culture likes to be in a steady state, and equilibrium of sorts, where everything runs smoothly. It’s human nature, it’s nature’s nature, everything moving the way it always has. We assume the way it always will be.

I know that was true with my health. Years of eating garbage, because it tasted good— it was comfort food. Ultimately that life style would have killed me quickly. Change, that change came because I hit a level of discomfort, literally. Back pain, not all the big goals, got me to start yoga, and a new steady state started.

There are other areas of life besides health. Discomfort there also causes movement. I’m comfortable with my income, but I’ve set goals that far exceeded it. Being comfortable means my goals are out of reach, because I won’t do the extra things needed to reach those goals. I’ll stay in the steady state even though I want more.

I’m feeling discomfort now, things are getting tighter. Maybe not really, but they feel that way. That discomfort is pushing me to a different steady state, the push to get back to comfort. For that I am grateful.

April 22, 2021 dscottmaiorca Uncategorized

A Stoic Exercise`

I’m finding myself dealing with uncertainty. My temporary job feels like it’s wrapping up. I don’t know if I’ll be kept as they reduce staff. I might be I do my job exceptionally well, but I can’t know that for sure. With the uncertainty comes the anxiety. The second glueing questions, the not knowing.

It presents me with a great stoic exercise. There are aspects of this I can control, do the best job I can. I can’t control if that let’s me keep the job, or if my best is the best — maybe someone is better than me, more useful. I can’t control that, so I shouldn’t try. In this case I should follow my Tao enter the stream, and go with the flow.

As I’m researching my options, moving forward, there are things I can know. Things like are there similar positions available. Can I duplicate the pay scale? I am actively researching these, and should, because I can know the answers. Knowing the answers reduces they uncertainty. It decreases the anxiety. The questions I can’t know th answers to like what happens next, I shouldn’t fret about. I can’t know those answers and that’s where I should enter the stream/go with the flow.

This could be an exercise of any philosophy, I guess, even in the post I’ve mixed Taoism and Stoicism. With the being said I think Epictetus said it better than I could.

“Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our actions. The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but those not in our control are weak, slavish, restrained, belonging to others. Remember, then, that if you suppose that things which are slavish by nature are also free, and that what belongs to others is your own, then you will be hindered. You will lament, you will be disturbed, and you will find fault both with gods and men. But if you suppose that only to be your own which is your own, and what belongs to others such as it really is, then no one will ever compel you or restrain you. Further, you will find fault with no one or accuse no one. You will do nothing against your will. No one will hurt you, you will have no enemies, and you not be harmed.”

― Epictetus, Enchiridion and Selections from the Discourses

April 14, 2021April 17, 2021 dscottmaiorca Uncategorized

Anger is Contagious

I’m beginning to wonder if anger isn’t simply internal, not just anger but, maybe, all emotions, have a life of their own. Maybe, they are just energy— like waves— crashing across a shore, and we are the shore. Maybe they have a life of their own moving from host to host — like an inter dimensional virus simply looking for a way to replicate themselves.

Either way what if I’m right? What if emotions aren’t internal, a mere biochemical creation? What if they exist out side of us and we are merely receivers?

That would mean when we experience a negative emotional state either our immunity was down and we were infected by it, or we chose to let it in.

Maybe we could choose to stop spreading the virus or choose to diffuse the wave before we let it continue on.

Seems like the right thing to do.

April 7, 2021April 7, 2021 dscottmaiorca Uncategorized

What I’ve Learned Since Publishing Carrie Starr.

I’ve earned several advanced degrees, but I’m definitely a slow learner. I’ve been telling stories, writing them, since first grade. In hindsight it seems obvious I’ve always been a writer— I am a writer. I’ve done my best to avoid that— not sure why. I’m not sure that matters either. The fact I accept that is the important thing.

After years of dabbling, and denying my writing I released my first novel in November of 2019. I assumed I’d release my next one very shortly. I even set up an amazon preorder. I didn’t make my own deadline. I didn’t finish book two Planet of Terror. I didn’t know why either and I felt like a failure, especially refunding the few preorders that had been made.

I’ve come to discover I was trying to write the wrong story. Carrie Starr is fun — pulp— not meant to be deep literature. So, I assumed writing the next would be easy. Maybe fo. Different writer it would have been, maybe its lack of genre training, I have a few writer friends/professors who would agree with that assumption. I’m not convinced though. I think you have to be in sync with your stories. I think you have to coax them out. I think you have to give them a space to live. I hadn’t done that. I simply assume I could force the story out.

I started diligently working on Carrie Starr book two a month ago, or so. It isn’t Planet o terror, it’s a different book. Planet of Terror is now book three. I’m letting the story come at its own pace. Carrie is setting her own terms, and I am listening. I am writing everyday, maybe only a few sentences. Maybe a few pages, but it is happening every day, and I’m in love again with the world I created.

Carrie Starr book two will get finished and published. It’s not the easy fast write I’d assumed it would be, but its also a better story, and I am a better writer for the experience.

July 20, 2020July 20, 2020 dscottmaiorca Real life

How to Use the Gossip Test In Fluxtopia

I know a lot of you left the Gossip Test post saying something to the effect of: that’s a great idea, but haven’t you noticed the world is collapsing and we don’t have a year to find ourselves? We need answers now. I left the post with the same thoughts. I also left the post knowing that this post was coming – how to use the Gossip Test In Fluxtopia. If you haven’t read The Gossip Test, feel free to click herehttp://dscottmaiorca.com/?p=146.

With lockdown and quarantine, I’ve had an opportunity to really look at what’s important to me and what I actually value. Sheltering in place forcibly removed tons of my distractions – tons of my excuses for why I was too busy to do things I said were important.

It also created new distractions. A few months ago my wife lost her job to COVID related downsizing. She has been our primary income earner this year, while I took care of the kids, finished my MFA, and started publishing. Unemployed in the pandemic age is not where anyone wants to be, but this is Fluxtopia. Uncertainty, a little more obvious right now than I’d like, is the norm. At first we panicked, looking for and applying for almost every job in the country that we were qualified for. It was overwhelming. I was overloaded, almost to the point of not being able to function. I could get job applications turned in by completing marathon Bataan Death Marches for a few days, then I’d spend just as long doing nothing, unable to focus. I was stuck.

Then I remembered some simple stoic wisdom.

You can’t control the world. You can’t control the pandemic. You can control yourself, and how you react. That’s where the Gossip Test comes in again.

Faced with massive uncertainty and a bleak outlook, I sat down to re-figure out who I was. To reconnect with me. To try once again to Know Thyself.

Circumstances dictated that I didn’t have a year to gather my data. I didn’t even have a month. So I started observing myself again. I found an old notebook and started taking notes on everything that really excited me. Given the circumstances, the notes were from books I am reading, job descriptions, text messages, my weekly phone call with my best friend, and a few TV shows I watch. I also started gathering what my kids were talking about, and what excited them.

My wife and I put all those notes and ideas together in a new and improved family Gossip Test, and came up with the patterns, the ideas, and the trends. Seeing what everyone wanted and Knowing Ourselves allowed us to pick a location, to focus on what was important to us, and apply for nearly sixty jobs between the two of us. These were jobs that made sense for us, jobs that met our needs.

While we’ve focused on what we want, what allows us to move forward, and what fits who we are, we haven’t stopped looking for options that help us in the short run. We still have to put a roof over our heads and food on the table. There’s a zen saying: Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. A dear friend abbreviates it CW/CW. Even if you Know Thyself, CW/CW still applies. So, while focusing on the end goal, we are looking for short term, local jobs that let us CW/CW. That’s a key in Fluxtopia: plan for the future, but provide for the moment.

I know uncertainty is scary, especially if you have kids. Uncertainty and the unknown are the norm in Fluxtopia. We have to learn how to accept that, and how to navigate that. That starts with knowing who you are. There’s a reason Know Thyself is written above the entrance to the Oracle of Delphi. There’s a reason it’s a passage in Hamlet. You can’t control Fluxtopia, though you can control how you respond to it, and to do that you have to know who you are. You have to Know Thyself, and even the short-form Gossip Test will help you do that.

March 25, 2020March 27, 2020 dscottmaiorca Real life

Take The little Steps

If you read my last posthttp://dscottmaiorca.com/?p=100, you know I mentioned the idea of Fluxtopia, rather than dystopia or utopia. I know it’s an odd concept, especially for a largely dystopian writer, but truth is stranger than fiction, as they say. More importantly reality, at least for the majority of Americans, is never as bad as our dystopian fantasies. That being said, if you’re reading this post from the comfort of your self-isolation at home, you probably have it better than a lot of people right now. Take the time to donate to a cause you believe in to help those who have it worse than you. I’ll leave to your own conscious to figure out what that cause should be. Personally, I’m getting together some household items to donate to a local church which is still running a pantry for those in need, but what you do is up to you.

I think this is more important while we’re worrying about the future: take the time to think about how good you have it. Reframe that negativity into something positive — and do something to help someone else.

As a writer of zombie fiction and dystopian sci-fi, my mind can go wild on the dystopian stuff. It seems to be my natural space, actually, but now that we are in a flux period where dystopian fiction could seem more like non-fiction it’s important to remember that it’s not. Or, at least, that it doesn’t have to be. We can take whatever little steps we can to make the changes we want to.

If you read some of my weight loss posts, herehttp://dscottmaiorca.com/?p=67 and herehttp://dscottmaiorca.com/?p=81 you know I lost seventy pounds in 2019. I lost that weight by making little, almost nonsensically small changes, but I made those changes daily. I didn’t look at the big picture. I was morbidly obese, and probably going to die from diabetes, or heart disease, or any of the other things. I looked at what I could do, I mean actually do, like exercise for 12 minutes at a very low impact, or take a few extra minutes to talk in the evening. The little changes paid off in a big way.

I’m suggesting that same strategy here. Don’t look at the scary stuff that gives you anxiety. Don’t worry about the things you can’t control, or the things that will shut you down mentally. Find something you can do to help – and do it. Help others, but also remember to help yourself and your family. What can you do to make them healthier and happier?

Focusing on the good you can do will make you feel better. It will keep you focused, but just as important, it will make at least a little piece of our Fluxtopia better.

February 19, 2020February 19, 2020 dscottmaiorca health

Little Actions Yield Big Results

“I think you have an eating disorder,” Chrissy said. I was in college and desperate to lose weight. I had invited several friends over for lunch. Chrissy and I were standing in my kitchen by my fridge. I had carefully taped swimsuit models from a J Crew catalogue on my refrigerator door. I had put them there to remind myself why I was dieting. It was a motivational strategy. I figured if I saw the beautiful women every time I went to the fridge, I’d eat less. I wanted to be skinny so I could have women like that.

“Nah, it’s just motivational,” I said. Besides, guys can’t have eating disorders.

I was wrong, very wrong. Guys can have eating disorders, and in hindsight I definitely had one.

I assumed the only way a beautiful woman would be interested in me was if I was thin, and the only way I would be thin was if I starved myself. I skipped meals, I drank SlimFast, I ate nothing but raw vegetables, and I hated it. I hated my body, and myself.

I think we’ve all been there. Trying to change ourselves, because we think we have to, so that other people will love, or approve of us.

The only person’s approval you need is your own. I know that sounds cliché, but it’s true. The only reason to lose weight is because you want to.

Are you reading this because you want to change? Or are you reading this because you think other people want you to change?

Think about these questions for a minute. It’s as important to know why you are trying to lose weight, as how to do it. In my experience, it makes all the difference between success and failure.

One of my favorite lines from Shakespeare is this: Above all: to thine own self be true. I thought I understood this when I read Hamlet in high school, but like how I thought I understood eating disorders, I was wrong.

Know thyself isn’t just a Shakespearian idea, it may be a universal truth. It was written above the entrance to the oracle of Delphi. It’s the key to any change you hope to make.

So, how did you answer the questions. Are you wanting to change because you want to change? If you know the answer is yes, then you are ready.

You need to understand change happens slowly. If you are extremely over weight, morbidly obese like I was, there isn’t a quick fix. You didn’t become morbidly obese over night. It took a long time, maybe months or maybe years. You can’t undo it quickly, and you don’t want to.

Quick fixes may seem great at the time. Using just about any fad diet you can lose weight. Pushing yourself on crazy workouts you can lose weight. But in both those cases most people can’t keep the weight off. Most people eventually gain all the quick-weight-loss weight back and more. Why?

It’s simple: if you restrict yourself, cut calories, or push your body in extreme ways, eventually you quit. If all you do is look at your body as a machine and do simple calorie in and calorie out math you will lose weight, but you miss the biggest part of the equation. That part is you.

Your body isn’t simply a machine that you can tune up by cutting calories or massively working out. Your body is part of you. There is a connection between your body and your mind. Your thoughts, and what you focus on, shape your body as much as any diet or workout ever has.

Don’t misunderstand me: what you eat and how you exercise affect your body, but what you think affects it even more. You need to believe a few things about yourself to be successful in changing your body. You won’t believe them at first. If you believed them already, you wouldn’t be reading this. With a little bit of effort, you will believe them.

You can change your habits.

You can change your body.

Eating healthy is easy.

Exercise is easy.

You can do this.

I know they seem simple, but you’ll surprise yourself at how powerful they are. I know I did.