Posted on : By : dscottmaiorca Posted in : Real life

The Tiger Can’t Kill Us Anymore

The tigers can’t kill us anymore. That’s my new motto. There’s a lot of uncertainty in everyone’s lives right now. There’s a lot of uncertainty in mine. We are job hunting in a pandemic. Our lease is expiring. I am calm and focused. I have every right to be freaked out, but that doesn’t serve me or anyone else living in Fluxtopia.

All of the freak-out feelings, anxiety, stress, being overwhelmed, are evolutionary adaptations left over from our hunting and gathering days. They are our programmed response to the unknown, to the dangers that lurked behind every bush. Lurked, past tense, since we don’t live in that world anymore, but our monkey mind wants to keep us alive from threats that aren’t real anymore. The tigers can’t kill us anymore.

When you’re in the middle of a tiger-induced meltdown, you have to stop it. You have to stop giving in to the monkey mind, and its fears of tigers. When we’re panicked we make bad decisions. At least, I know I have in the past.

So how do you do that? First, Know Thyself. Who are you? What do you want? If you’re not sure, check out the Gossip Test http://dscottmaiorca.com/?p=146I posted about earlier. Know Thyself: knowing who you are has always been the key to beating the metaphoric tigers. The Greeks knew, and that’s why it was written above the Oracle of Delphi, that and “all things in moderation.” Epictetus, a Greek philosopher, was born a slave but became one of the greatest philosophers ever. He knew anxiety, the monkey-mind, and tigers. Epictetus put it this way, “say what you would be, then do what you have to do.” The first step: Know Thyself. The second step: do the work.

You can’t do the work, whatever it is, if you let your monkey mind worry about the imaginary tigers. How do you quiet it? I’ve found a few tricks that have worked for me, which I’ll cover in greater detail later, but for now, I know who I am and what I want. Given our lease situation, I don’t want to be homeless – so I am focused on that, and doing that work. The work calling about rentals, checking on buying an RV. Right, that is the primary goal. In Fluxtopia you have to have that figured out and you have to do the work. 

I have other goals, longer term goals, like writing, blogging, and being healthy.  I am still working towards those, and still doing what I have to do to achieve them, but I’m focusing on the primary tiger first. I’m focusing most of my energy on that goal. You have to do that in Fluxtopia. Truthfully you always have, but in a flux it’s more obvious than ever. 

If you have figured out who you are and what you want then, you figure out what tiger, if any, is most important. Like I said earlier, for me, housing is the primary tiger. Not facing that one will impact every other tiger. Focusing on that has made it easier to quiet the monkey mind. 

Your tigers might not be so obvious, but they might. You have to figure out what tiger has the biggest impact on you, what tiger impacts the other ones. Focus on that, and when your monkey mind starts to chatter, remind yourself there is only the one tiger. It’s not perfect, but it helps. You can face one tiger easier than facing an army of tigers. 

Knowing which tiger to fight helps quiet the monkey mind. You have to decide which one is most dangerous, and focus on that. When you feel overwhelmed or panicked and start dwelling on the other things – or all of them at once – remind yourself the tigers can’t kill you anymore. 

Unless you let them.

Posted on : By : dscottmaiorca Posted in : Real life

How to Use the Gossip Test In Fluxtopia

I know a lot of you left the Gossip Test post saying something to the effect of: that’s a great idea, but haven’t you noticed the world is collapsing and we don’t have a year to find ourselves? We need answers now. I left the post with the same thoughts. I also left the post knowing that this post was coming – how to use the Gossip Test In Fluxtopia. If you haven’t read The Gossip Test, feel free to click herehttp://dscottmaiorca.com/?p=146.

With lockdown and quarantine, I’ve had an opportunity to really look at what’s important to me and what I actually value. Sheltering in place forcibly removed tons of my distractions – tons of my excuses for why I was too busy to do things I said were important.

It also created new distractions. A few months ago my wife lost her job to COVID related downsizing. She has been our primary income earner this year, while I took care of the kids, finished my MFA, and started publishing. Unemployed in the pandemic age is not where anyone wants to be, but this is Fluxtopia. Uncertainty, a little more obvious right now than I’d like, is the norm. At first we panicked, looking for and applying for almost every job in the country that we were qualified for. It was overwhelming. I was overloaded, almost to the point of not being able to function. I could get job applications turned in by completing marathon Bataan Death Marches for a few days, then I’d spend just as long doing nothing, unable to focus. I was stuck.

Then I remembered some simple stoic wisdom.

You can’t control the world. You can’t control the pandemic. You can control yourself, and how you react. That’s where the Gossip Test comes in again.

Faced with massive uncertainty and a bleak outlook, I sat down to re-figure out who I was. To reconnect with me. To try once again to Know Thyself.

Circumstances dictated that I didn’t have a year to gather my data. I didn’t even have a month. So I started observing myself again. I found an old notebook and started taking notes on everything that really excited me. Given the circumstances, the notes were from books I am reading, job descriptions, text messages, my weekly phone call with my best friend, and a few TV shows I watch. I also started gathering what my kids were talking about, and what excited them.

My wife and I put all those notes and ideas together in a new and improved family Gossip Test, and came up with the patterns, the ideas, and the trends. Seeing what everyone wanted and Knowing Ourselves allowed us to pick a location, to focus on what was important to us, and apply for nearly sixty jobs between the two of us. These were jobs that made sense for us, jobs that met our needs.

While we’ve focused on what we want, what allows us to move forward, and what fits who we are, we haven’t stopped looking for options that help us in the short run. We still have to put a roof over our heads and food on the table. There’s a zen saying: Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. A dear friend abbreviates it CW/CW. Even if you Know Thyself, CW/CW still applies. So, while focusing on the end goal, we are looking for short term, local jobs that let us CW/CW. That’s a key in Fluxtopia: plan for the future, but provide for the moment.

I know uncertainty is scary, especially if you have kids. Uncertainty and the unknown are the norm in Fluxtopia. We have to learn how to accept that, and how to navigate that. That starts with knowing who you are. There’s a reason Know Thyself is written above the entrance to the Oracle of Delphi. There’s a reason it’s a passage in Hamlet. You can’t control Fluxtopia, though you can control how you respond to it, and to do that you have to know who you are. You have to Know Thyself, and even the short-form Gossip Test will help you do that.