Posted on : By : dscottmaiorca Posted in : Real life

I’m Done Kicking Myself For Not Being Someone Else

I published my first Novella in 2019. I was finishing my MFA and. Had taken countless writing classes over the years. I thought I knew everything. Of course I didn’t, and still don’t. Here are a few things I have learned since then. 

When I first published, everything I’d read said to keep your genres separate. If you write in different genres, use a different pen name for each. That sounded like good advice, and I think for a rapid release author that’s still true. Rapid release authors publish a book every month or at least every two months.

I am not a rapid release author. I write daily, but my brain doesn’t focus on one story at a time. Currently, I am writing on four different novels/novellas and a slew of short stories. I will finish them all. I write about a thousand words a day towards them. That means over a year I may finish two of the novels and some short stories, or I may finish tons of shorts and one novel. So far this year, it’s early April. I have finished four short stories, and one novelette. This year I have written 100,000 good, mostly publishable words. I’ve tried sticking to one story at a time, and my brain just doesn’t work like that.

Listening to my muse and writing what she tells me works for me as long as I write daily. As long as I write daily, I will complete my projects. It will just take me longer.

I used to feel bad about that. I could see very successful indie authors. A couple of them are friends of mine in real life. I’ve watched one of them write a 1000,000 word novel in a week, then spend less than a week copy editing and designing the book cover. I tried to be like them. Trying to be like them caused me to create so much pressure for myself that I quit trying to write for publication. I didn’t quit writing. I just did free writes and an occasional writing session beyond that. Eventually that pressure turned into kicking myself, for not being someone else. 

I firmly believe the secret to life was written about the Oracle of Delphi’s cave several thousand years ago. Know thyself and all things in moderation. I told my students for years that’s the secret of life. I’ve told them if they actually know who they are, then they’d be harder to stop. If you know who you are, you know what you’re capable of, and you know what you’re worth. I, on their other hand, didn’t know who I was, at least as a writer. I tried being someone else. I was terrible at being someone else.

Christmas Eve I gave myself permission to be myself as a writer. Over 1000,000 good, publishable words in a little over three months, shows I’m a pretty good me. I’m writing great stories, submitting them to traditional publications, submitting quarterly to Writers of The Future, and getting close to finishing my first full-length novel.

I’m also done kicking myself for not being someone else.

Posted on : By : dscottmaiorca Posted in : Uncategorized

A Stoic Exercise`

I’m finding myself dealing with uncertainty. My temporary job feels like it’s wrapping up. I don’t know if I’ll be kept as they reduce staff. I might be I do my job exceptionally well, but I can’t know that for sure. With the uncertainty comes the anxiety. The second glueing questions, the not knowing.

It presents me with a great stoic exercise. There are aspects of this I can control, do the best job I can. I can’t control if that let’s me keep the job, or if my best is the best — maybe someone is better than me, more useful. I can’t control that, so I shouldn’t try. In this case I should follow my Tao enter the stream, and go with the flow.

As I’m researching my options, moving forward, there are things I can know. Things like are there similar positions available. Can I duplicate the pay scale? I am actively researching these, and should, because I can know the answers. Knowing the answers reduces they uncertainty. It decreases the anxiety. The questions I can’t know th answers to like what happens next, I shouldn’t fret about. I can’t know those answers and that’s where I should enter the stream/go with the flow.

This could be an exercise of any philosophy, I guess, even in the post I’ve mixed Taoism and Stoicism. With the being said I think Epictetus said it better than I could.

“Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our actions. The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but those not in our control are weak, slavish, restrained, belonging to others. Remember, then, that if you suppose that things which are slavish by nature are also free, and that what belongs to others is your own, then you will be hindered. You will lament, you will be disturbed, and you will find fault both with gods and men. But if you suppose that only to be your own which is your own, and what belongs to others such as it really is, then no one will ever compel you or restrain you. Further, you will find fault with no one or accuse no one. You will do nothing against your will. No one will hurt you, you will have no enemies, and you not be harmed.”

― Epictetus, Enchiridion and Selections from the Discourses

Posted on : By : dscottmaiorca Posted in : Uncategorized

Anger is Contagious

I’m beginning to wonder if anger isn’t simply internal, not just anger but, maybe, all emotions, have a life of their own. Maybe, they are just energy— like waves— crashing across a shore, and we are the shore. Maybe they have a life of their own moving from host to host — like an inter dimensional virus simply looking for a way to replicate themselves.

Either way what if I’m right? What if emotions aren’t internal, a mere biochemical creation? What if they exist out side of us and we are merely receivers?

That would mean when we experience a negative emotional state either our immunity was down and we were infected by it, or we chose to let it in.

Maybe we could choose to stop spreading the virus or choose to diffuse the wave before we let it continue on.

Seems like the right thing to do.

Posted on : By : dscottmaiorca Posted in : Real life

The Tiger Can’t Kill Us Anymore

The tigers can’t kill us anymore. That’s my new motto. There’s a lot of uncertainty in everyone’s lives right now. There’s a lot of uncertainty in mine. We are job hunting in a pandemic. Our lease is expiring. I am calm and focused. I have every right to be freaked out, but that doesn’t serve me or anyone else living in Fluxtopia.

All of the freak-out feelings, anxiety, stress, being overwhelmed, are evolutionary adaptations left over from our hunting and gathering days. They are our programmed response to the unknown, to the dangers that lurked behind every bush. Lurked, past tense, since we don’t live in that world anymore, but our monkey mind wants to keep us alive from threats that aren’t real anymore. The tigers can’t kill us anymore.

When you’re in the middle of a tiger-induced meltdown, you have to stop it. You have to stop giving in to the monkey mind, and its fears of tigers. When we’re panicked we make bad decisions. At least, I know I have in the past.

So how do you do that? First, Know Thyself. Who are you? What do you want? If you’re not sure, check out the Gossip Test http://dscottmaiorca.com/?p=146I posted about earlier. Know Thyself: knowing who you are has always been the key to beating the metaphoric tigers. The Greeks knew, and that’s why it was written above the Oracle of Delphi, that and “all things in moderation.” Epictetus, a Greek philosopher, was born a slave but became one of the greatest philosophers ever. He knew anxiety, the monkey-mind, and tigers. Epictetus put it this way, “say what you would be, then do what you have to do.” The first step: Know Thyself. The second step: do the work.

You can’t do the work, whatever it is, if you let your monkey mind worry about the imaginary tigers. How do you quiet it? I’ve found a few tricks that have worked for me, which I’ll cover in greater detail later, but for now, I know who I am and what I want. Given our lease situation, I don’t want to be homeless – so I am focused on that, and doing that work. The work calling about rentals, checking on buying an RV. Right, that is the primary goal. In Fluxtopia you have to have that figured out and you have to do the work. 

I have other goals, longer term goals, like writing, blogging, and being healthy.  I am still working towards those, and still doing what I have to do to achieve them, but I’m focusing on the primary tiger first. I’m focusing most of my energy on that goal. You have to do that in Fluxtopia. Truthfully you always have, but in a flux it’s more obvious than ever. 

If you have figured out who you are and what you want then, you figure out what tiger, if any, is most important. Like I said earlier, for me, housing is the primary tiger. Not facing that one will impact every other tiger. Focusing on that has made it easier to quiet the monkey mind. 

Your tigers might not be so obvious, but they might. You have to figure out what tiger has the biggest impact on you, what tiger impacts the other ones. Focus on that, and when your monkey mind starts to chatter, remind yourself there is only the one tiger. It’s not perfect, but it helps. You can face one tiger easier than facing an army of tigers. 

Knowing which tiger to fight helps quiet the monkey mind. You have to decide which one is most dangerous, and focus on that. When you feel overwhelmed or panicked and start dwelling on the other things – or all of them at once – remind yourself the tigers can’t kill you anymore. 

Unless you let them.

Posted on : By : dscottmaiorca Posted in : Real life

How to Use the Gossip Test In Fluxtopia

I know a lot of you left the Gossip Test post saying something to the effect of: that’s a great idea, but haven’t you noticed the world is collapsing and we don’t have a year to find ourselves? We need answers now. I left the post with the same thoughts. I also left the post knowing that this post was coming – how to use the Gossip Test In Fluxtopia. If you haven’t read The Gossip Test, feel free to click herehttp://dscottmaiorca.com/?p=146.

With lockdown and quarantine, I’ve had an opportunity to really look at what’s important to me and what I actually value. Sheltering in place forcibly removed tons of my distractions – tons of my excuses for why I was too busy to do things I said were important.

It also created new distractions. A few months ago my wife lost her job to COVID related downsizing. She has been our primary income earner this year, while I took care of the kids, finished my MFA, and started publishing. Unemployed in the pandemic age is not where anyone wants to be, but this is Fluxtopia. Uncertainty, a little more obvious right now than I’d like, is the norm. At first we panicked, looking for and applying for almost every job in the country that we were qualified for. It was overwhelming. I was overloaded, almost to the point of not being able to function. I could get job applications turned in by completing marathon Bataan Death Marches for a few days, then I’d spend just as long doing nothing, unable to focus. I was stuck.

Then I remembered some simple stoic wisdom.

You can’t control the world. You can’t control the pandemic. You can control yourself, and how you react. That’s where the Gossip Test comes in again.

Faced with massive uncertainty and a bleak outlook, I sat down to re-figure out who I was. To reconnect with me. To try once again to Know Thyself.

Circumstances dictated that I didn’t have a year to gather my data. I didn’t even have a month. So I started observing myself again. I found an old notebook and started taking notes on everything that really excited me. Given the circumstances, the notes were from books I am reading, job descriptions, text messages, my weekly phone call with my best friend, and a few TV shows I watch. I also started gathering what my kids were talking about, and what excited them.

My wife and I put all those notes and ideas together in a new and improved family Gossip Test, and came up with the patterns, the ideas, and the trends. Seeing what everyone wanted and Knowing Ourselves allowed us to pick a location, to focus on what was important to us, and apply for nearly sixty jobs between the two of us. These were jobs that made sense for us, jobs that met our needs.

While we’ve focused on what we want, what allows us to move forward, and what fits who we are, we haven’t stopped looking for options that help us in the short run. We still have to put a roof over our heads and food on the table. There’s a zen saying: Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. A dear friend abbreviates it CW/CW. Even if you Know Thyself, CW/CW still applies. So, while focusing on the end goal, we are looking for short term, local jobs that let us CW/CW. That’s a key in Fluxtopia: plan for the future, but provide for the moment.

I know uncertainty is scary, especially if you have kids. Uncertainty and the unknown are the norm in Fluxtopia. We have to learn how to accept that, and how to navigate that. That starts with knowing who you are. There’s a reason Know Thyself is written above the entrance to the Oracle of Delphi. There’s a reason it’s a passage in Hamlet. You can’t control Fluxtopia, though you can control how you respond to it, and to do that you have to know who you are. You have to Know Thyself, and even the short-form Gossip Test will help you do that.

Posted on : By : dscottmaiorca Posted in : health

Little Actions Yield Big Results

“I think you have an eating disorder,” Chrissy said. I was in college and desperate to lose weight. I had invited several friends over for lunch. Chrissy and I were standing in my kitchen by my fridge. I had carefully taped swimsuit models from a J Crew catalogue on my refrigerator door. I had put them there to remind myself why I was dieting. It was a motivational strategy. I figured if I saw the beautiful women every time I went to the fridge, I’d eat less. I wanted to be skinny so I could have women like that. 

“Nah, it’s just motivational,” I said. Besides, guys can’t have eating disorders.

I was wrong, very wrong. Guys can have eating disorders, and in hindsight I definitely had one. 

I assumed the only way a beautiful woman would be interested in me was if I was thin, and the only way I would be thin was if I starved myself. I skipped meals, I drank SlimFast, I ate nothing but raw vegetables, and I hated it. I hated my body, and myself.

I think we’ve all been there. Trying to change ourselves, because we think we have to, so that other people will love, or approve of us.

The only person’s approval you need is your own. I know that sounds cliché, but it’s true. The only reason to lose weight is because you want to. 

Are you reading this because you want to change? Or are you reading this because you think other people want you to change? 

Think about these questions for a minute. It’s as important to know why you are trying to lose weight, as how to do it. In my experience, it makes all the difference between success and failure.

One of my favorite lines from Shakespeare is this: Above all: to thine own self be true. I thought I understood this when I read Hamlet in high school, but like how I thought I understood eating disorders, I was wrong.

Know thyself isn’t just a Shakespearian idea, it may be a universal truth. It was written above the entrance to the oracle of Delphi. It’s the key to any change you hope to make. 

So, how did you answer the questions. Are you wanting to change because you want to change? If you know the answer is yes, then you are ready.

You need to understand change happens slowly. If you are extremely over weight, morbidly obese like I was, there isn’t a quick fix. You didn’t become morbidly obese over night. It took a long time, maybe months or maybe years. You can’t undo it quickly, and you don’t want to. 

Quick fixes may seem great at the time. Using just about any fad diet you can lose weight. Pushing yourself on crazy workouts you can lose weight. But in both those cases most people can’t keep the weight off. Most people eventually gain all the quick-weight-loss weight back and more. Why?

It’s simple: if you restrict yourself, cut calories, or push your body in extreme ways, eventually you quit. If all you do is look at your body as a machine and do simple calorie in and calorie out math you will lose weight, but you miss the biggest part of the equation. That part is you. 

Your body isn’t simply a machine that you can tune up by cutting calories or massively working out. Your body is part of you. There is a connection between your body and your mind. Your thoughts, and what you focus on, shape your body as much as any diet or workout ever has.

Don’t misunderstand me: what you eat and how you exercise affect your body, but what you think affects it even more. You need to believe a few things about yourself to be successful in changing your body. You won’t believe them at first. If you believed them already, you wouldn’t be reading this. With a little bit of effort, you will believe them.

You can change your habits.

You can change your body.

Eating healthy is easy.

Exercise is easy.

You can do this.

I know they seem simple, but you’ll surprise yourself at how powerful they are. I know I did.