Posted on : By : dscottmaiorca Posted in : Real life

The Tiger Can’t Kill Us Anymore

The tigers can’t kill us anymore. That’s my new motto. There’s a lot of uncertainty in everyone’s lives right now. There’s a lot of uncertainty in mine. We are job hunting in a pandemic. Our lease is expiring. I am calm and focused. I have every right to be freaked out, but that doesn’t serve me or anyone else living in Fluxtopia.

All of the freak-out feelings, anxiety, stress, being overwhelmed, are evolutionary adaptations left over from our hunting and gathering days. They are our programmed response to the unknown, to the dangers that lurked behind every bush. Lurked, past tense, since we don’t live in that world anymore, but our monkey mind wants to keep us alive from threats that aren’t real anymore. The tigers can’t kill us anymore.

When you’re in the middle of a tiger-induced meltdown, you have to stop it. You have to stop giving in to the monkey mind, and its fears of tigers. When we’re panicked we make bad decisions. At least, I know I have in the past.

So how do you do that? First, Know Thyself. Who are you? What do you want? If you’re not sure, check out the Gossip Test http://dscottmaiorca.com/?p=146I posted about earlier. Know Thyself: knowing who you are has always been the key to beating the metaphoric tigers. The Greeks knew, and that’s why it was written above the Oracle of Delphi, that and “all things in moderation.” Epictetus, a Greek philosopher, was born a slave but became one of the greatest philosophers ever. He knew anxiety, the monkey-mind, and tigers. Epictetus put it this way, “say what you would be, then do what you have to do.” The first step: Know Thyself. The second step: do the work.

You can’t do the work, whatever it is, if you let your monkey mind worry about the imaginary tigers. How do you quiet it? I’ve found a few tricks that have worked for me, which I’ll cover in greater detail later, but for now, I know who I am and what I want. Given our lease situation, I don’t want to be homeless – so I am focused on that, and doing that work. The work calling about rentals, checking on buying an RV. Right, that is the primary goal. In Fluxtopia you have to have that figured out and you have to do the work. 

I have other goals, longer term goals, like writing, blogging, and being healthy.  I am still working towards those, and still doing what I have to do to achieve them, but I’m focusing on the primary tiger first. I’m focusing most of my energy on that goal. You have to do that in Fluxtopia. Truthfully you always have, but in a flux it’s more obvious than ever. 

If you have figured out who you are and what you want then, you figure out what tiger, if any, is most important. Like I said earlier, for me, housing is the primary tiger. Not facing that one will impact every other tiger. Focusing on that has made it easier to quiet the monkey mind. 

Your tigers might not be so obvious, but they might. You have to figure out what tiger has the biggest impact on you, what tiger impacts the other ones. Focus on that, and when your monkey mind starts to chatter, remind yourself there is only the one tiger. It’s not perfect, but it helps. You can face one tiger easier than facing an army of tigers. 

Knowing which tiger to fight helps quiet the monkey mind. You have to decide which one is most dangerous, and focus on that. When you feel overwhelmed or panicked and start dwelling on the other things – or all of them at once – remind yourself the tigers can’t kill you anymore. 

Unless you let them.

Posted on : By : dscottmaiorca Posted in : Real life

How to Use the Gossip Test In Fluxtopia

I know a lot of you left the Gossip Test post saying something to the effect of: that’s a great idea, but haven’t you noticed the world is collapsing and we don’t have a year to find ourselves? We need answers now. I left the post with the same thoughts. I also left the post knowing that this post was coming – how to use the Gossip Test In Fluxtopia. If you haven’t read The Gossip Test, feel free to click herehttp://dscottmaiorca.com/?p=146.

With lockdown and quarantine, I’ve had an opportunity to really look at what’s important to me and what I actually value. Sheltering in place forcibly removed tons of my distractions – tons of my excuses for why I was too busy to do things I said were important.

It also created new distractions. A few months ago my wife lost her job to COVID related downsizing. She has been our primary income earner this year, while I took care of the kids, finished my MFA, and started publishing. Unemployed in the pandemic age is not where anyone wants to be, but this is Fluxtopia. Uncertainty, a little more obvious right now than I’d like, is the norm. At first we panicked, looking for and applying for almost every job in the country that we were qualified for. It was overwhelming. I was overloaded, almost to the point of not being able to function. I could get job applications turned in by completing marathon Bataan Death Marches for a few days, then I’d spend just as long doing nothing, unable to focus. I was stuck.

Then I remembered some simple stoic wisdom.

You can’t control the world. You can’t control the pandemic. You can control yourself, and how you react. That’s where the Gossip Test comes in again.

Faced with massive uncertainty and a bleak outlook, I sat down to re-figure out who I was. To reconnect with me. To try once again to Know Thyself.

Circumstances dictated that I didn’t have a year to gather my data. I didn’t even have a month. So I started observing myself again. I found an old notebook and started taking notes on everything that really excited me. Given the circumstances, the notes were from books I am reading, job descriptions, text messages, my weekly phone call with my best friend, and a few TV shows I watch. I also started gathering what my kids were talking about, and what excited them.

My wife and I put all those notes and ideas together in a new and improved family Gossip Test, and came up with the patterns, the ideas, and the trends. Seeing what everyone wanted and Knowing Ourselves allowed us to pick a location, to focus on what was important to us, and apply for nearly sixty jobs between the two of us. These were jobs that made sense for us, jobs that met our needs.

While we’ve focused on what we want, what allows us to move forward, and what fits who we are, we haven’t stopped looking for options that help us in the short run. We still have to put a roof over our heads and food on the table. There’s a zen saying: Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. A dear friend abbreviates it CW/CW. Even if you Know Thyself, CW/CW still applies. So, while focusing on the end goal, we are looking for short term, local jobs that let us CW/CW. That’s a key in Fluxtopia: plan for the future, but provide for the moment.

I know uncertainty is scary, especially if you have kids. Uncertainty and the unknown are the norm in Fluxtopia. We have to learn how to accept that, and how to navigate that. That starts with knowing who you are. There’s a reason Know Thyself is written above the entrance to the Oracle of Delphi. There’s a reason it’s a passage in Hamlet. You can’t control Fluxtopia, though you can control how you respond to it, and to do that you have to know who you are. You have to Know Thyself, and even the short-form Gossip Test will help you do that.

Posted on : By : dscottmaiorca Posted in : Uncategorized





The Gossip Test

We need to learn how to live in a Fluxtopia. If you’re not sure what a Fluxtopia is, check out my earlier posts on Fluxtopia. Simply put, we live in a state of constant change.

How do you function in a constant state of flux? You have to decide what your core values are. What’s important to you? This has always been the ultimate knowledge: Know Thyself. If you actually know who you are, you know what you want. The world may change around you, but you can stay consistent, stay stable.

How do you know thyself?

When I was an undergraduate I bounced from major to major, not sure why I was even in college. I knew I wanted a degree— in truth, not having one was never an option for me. My parents wanted me to have a job, ideally as a medical doctor. I was a dutiful son and majored in pre-med — even took the MCAT. I confused their version of who I was for who I actually was. I think they made the same mistake of seeing me, not as me, but as their version of me. I took pre-med classes and did what I was supposed to do, but every chance I got, I took English, anthropology, and religious studies classes. I was miserable, my GPA was in shambles, and I was clueless.

I read an interview in Omni Magazine with Francis Crick about how he and James Watson had become genetics pioneers. Crick was spending his nights at the pub, and had no direction. He realized he had to change. The story resonated with me. I wasn’t hanging out in pubs, but I was aimlessly taking courses I didn’t like, and worse yet, I’d just earned decent scores on my MCAT, meaning I’d probably get into a medical school. It wouldn’t be a good medical school as my GPA sucked, but I knew how to write a great admissions essay and interview well, not to mention I had always been a chameleon and could easily present my parents’ version of me as my version of me.

This terrified me. I was creating a life for myself that I didn’t want. I’d seen how miserable my mother and father were by chasing other people’s dreams. That, however, is not my story to tell.

Reading the Omni article opened my eyes. I realized I actually had a choice in what I wanted to study: a choice in who I was. It was the end of the semester, so I did the unthinkable. I dropped out. I unenrolled myself from the next semester of classes, and decided to put what I’d read to good use. I decided to apply the Gossip Test.

In the article, Crick, realizing he was aimlessly wasting his life in pubs, designed an experiment to see what he should do with his life. He called it the Gossip Test. Every night, after pubbing, he stumbled home and wrote down everything he’s argued with his friends about. His premise for the experiment was that if he could find the things that really excited him— the things he was passionate about— he’d know what to do with his life. 

This was a revolutionary idea to me. The idea that what I was interested in should drive my life’s work, and not be driven by what everyone said I should be interested in.

In a good scientific manner, I set my experiment. I would drop out of college for a year, write down everything that really excited me daily— conversations, books, magazine articles, movies— everything. At the end of the year I would either know college wasn’t the choice for me, or I’d know what I wanted to study.

Nine months into the experiment, I saw a trend in my Gossip Test journal. I spent a weekend  categorizing my data. Going through my journal and creating categories from my entries (movie quotes, song lyrics, stories unfinished, and arguments with friends) formed a cohesive story. There was a consistent trend in what I was passionate about. I was passionate about understanding the human experience. I was passionate about telling stories, and how we tell them.

I knew I had to go back to college. I also knew I needed to study either Anthropology or English. I chose Anthropology. More importantly, I started asking the most important questions: who am I? What do I want? 

Francis Crick in that Omni interview had exposed me to a universal truth: Know Thyself, and he’d given me a tool to start.

How does this help with Fluxtopia?

When the world is uncertain and out of control, you can let yourself get swept away by the chaos, or you can choose to follow your internal drive, or calling, or drummer, or whatever you call it.

You can choose to not get swept away by the chaos and chart your own course, but only if you know what that course is. The only way you can do that is to know who you are, and what you want.

Posted on : By : dscottmaiorca Posted in : health|Real life

Comfort Food For Quarantine

Lots of people are having to cook at home right now. People who normally didn’t. Between supporting a family of five on a teacher’s salary and being grad students for the last few years, we haven’t had the luxury of eating out much. Truthfully, that’s been a good thing.

I’ve always cooked. I mean, like, since I was in grade school. I enjoy it, and having been on a tight budget for decades, it has saved us a lot of money.

There’s also a cultural angle. My great-grandfather on my dad’s side came to the United States from Sicily. I’m very proud of that heritage, and cooking has always been a way for me to stay in touch with it. Italians and Sicilians have this amazing way of taking almost nothing and turning it into a feast, as do lots of historically poor cultures. If you think of your favorite Italian dish that you pay way too much for at a restaurant, it probably started as poverty food— made with leftovers or with the least expensive ingredients known to man.

Meatballs and parmigianas were essentially little bits of meats or eggplant mixed with stale bread, spices, and a few eggs. Pasta is just flour, water, eggs, and oil mixed together and dried.

Nothing in Southern Italian/Sicilian is expensive, and nothing goes to waste. Why? Simple –  because most people in those parts of Italy have been poor since the Roman Empire. So, we’re not Sicilian peasants, but between the shelter-in-place orders and the empty store shelves, we could learn a lesson from them— not to mention, we’d all use some comfort food right about now.

I’m not going to make my pasta from scratch. Well, at least not anytime soon, but I’m going to continue making my sauce from scratch. Last time I was at the store I chuckled a little seeing that all of the jarred pasta sauces were gone, but seeing the produce aisle was filled with fresh produce.

Real sauce is very simple to make. At its most basic you need water, tomatoes, garlic, and oil, traditionally olive oil,but any oil will do. Everything else that can go in sauce is optional. 

To make a very basic sauce, place a tablespoon of oil in a saucepan and add one clove of garlic. On a medium heat, sauté the garlic until it starts to turn golden. At that point, add two to four Roma tomatoes that you have diced. You could use canned tomatoes or another variety of fresh tomato, but Romas are one of the best and cheapest you can easily find at the store. Once the tomatoes are in the saucepan, cover them fully with water and bring to a boil. After they start to boil, turn the burner back down to a medium heat and simmer for twenty minutes, stirring occasionally. 

After your sauce has started to simmer, start your pasta water boiling. The pasta should finish cooking at about the same time as your sauce. That’s it: an easy, healthy, cheap Italian dinner using almost nothing.

That’s the basic sauce. Of course, every Italian family has their own variation, but that’s really all you need. I use oregano and basil in my sauce for spicing. Some of my cousins think that’s heresy. They swear by just garlic, tomatoes, oil, and a pinch of sugar.

I also like to add vegetables to my sauce. I’ll sauté a little onion with the garlic, and sometimes peppers. I’ll also, if I have it on hand, add spinach or mushrooms to the tomatoes when I add the water. Sometimes I’ll add white or Lima beans, like my grandmother did.

You can add whatever you want, or whatever you happen to have on hand. While the older generation of Italians wouldn’t be forgiving if you deviate too much from the basics, the sauce will. Make the sauce your own based on what you have on hand, what you think is healthy, and most importantly, what you think tastes good.

Posted on : By : dscottmaiorca Posted in : Real life

Take The little Steps

If you read my last posthttp://dscottmaiorca.com/?p=100, you know I mentioned the idea of Fluxtopia, rather than dystopia or utopia. I know it’s an odd concept, especially for a largely dystopian writer, but truth is stranger than fiction, as they say. More importantly reality, at least for the majority of Americans, is never as bad as our dystopian fantasies. That being said, if you’re reading this post from the comfort of your self-isolation at home, you probably have it better than a lot of people right now. Take the time to donate to a cause you believe in to help those who have it worse than you. I’ll leave to your own conscious to figure out what that cause should be. Personally, I’m getting together some household items to donate to a local church which is still running a pantry for those in need, but what you do is up to you.

I think this is more important while we’re worrying about the future: take the time to think about how good you have it. Reframe that negativity into something positive — and do something to help someone else.

 As a writer of zombie fiction and dystopian sci-fi, my mind can go wild on the dystopian stuff. It seems to be my natural space, actually, but now that we are in a flux period where dystopian fiction could seem more like non-fiction it’s important to remember that it’s not. Or, at least, that it doesn’t have to be. We can take whatever little steps we can to make the changes we want to.

If you read some of my weight loss posts, herehttp://dscottmaiorca.com/?p=67 and herehttp://dscottmaiorca.com/?p=81 you know I lost seventy pounds in 2019. I lost that weight by making little, almost nonsensically small changes, but I made those changes daily. I didn’t look at the big picture. I was morbidly obese, and probably going to die from diabetes, or heart disease, or any of the other things. I looked at what I could do, I mean actually do, like exercise for 12 minutes at a very low impact, or take a few extra minutes to talk in the evening. The little changes paid off in a big way.

 I’m suggesting that same strategy here. Don’t look at the scary stuff that gives you anxiety. Don’t worry about the things you can’t control, or the things that will shut you down mentally. Find something you can do to help – and do it. Help others, but also remember to help yourself and your family. What can you do to make them healthier and happier? 

Focusing on the good you can do will make you feel better. It will keep you focused, but just as important, it will make at least a little piece of our Fluxtopia better.

Posted on : By : dscottmaiorca Posted in : Real life

Fluxtopia: What We Can Learn From Living In A Pandemic.

I know everyone is thinking about the Coronavirus, as they should be, but it shouldn’t be all doom and gloom. Don’t get me wrong, we should be worried; the world is changing, but things are never as bad as they seem. We tend to think of the world in binary terms— day and night, love and hate, black and white.It’s probably an evolutionary adaptation. It’s easier to simplify things so that we can make quick decisions. Can you imagine a primitive hunter and gatherer stopping to play all the possible angles when they heard a branch break behind them? By the time they figured out how to respond the tiger would have had dinner.

    We simplified things because we had to to survive. We see the world as either dystopia or utopia. Either it’s Planet of the Apes, or it’s Star Trek. Don’t get me wrong, I love both of those stories/worlds, but in reality we don’t ever get dystopia or utopia. We live in fluxtopia. That state of being in the middle — in flux.

    The world is different now. We are aware that pandemics aren’t just things that did happen. They are things that can happen. That realization alone has changed the world. While you can’t easily find toilet paper or flour right now, and the economy is looking bleak, that doesn’t mean the world is ending. It’s changing. It’s in flux.

    I could list about a hundred horrible things that might happen, some that probably will, but you can get that on just about any other site. Instead, I want to talk about the good things that are happening.

Wildlife is returning to places like Venice. Click here to https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2020/mar/20/nature-is-taking-back-venice-wildlife-returns-to-tourist-free-city read the Guardian story about it. It’s pretty amazing. Air pollution in China has dropped to record lowshttps://www.cnn.com/2020/03/17/health/china-air-pollution-coronavirus-deaths-intl/index.html, as I suspect it will happen elsewhere. Once the curve flattens, and the shelter in place orders are lifted, if we remember the impact they had we can continue the trend of cleaner air and water— as long as we remember.

    I know that seems Polly Anna, but my observation is we are seeing the world differently. We’re worried about our friends and families. We are talking with them more. We are checking in, instead of checking out. We are becoming more concerned about other people. When things start to return to a new normal we can continue that—as long as we remember.

    If you’ve been to a grocery store recently, you’ve probably seen the empty shelves. It looks pretty freaky. Unless you’re pushing 100 you’ve never seen scarcity in the industrialized world. We’re used to being able to run to the store whenever we want— buy whatever we want/need/can afford or put on our credit cards. With the stores being out of things we’re still surviving. In fact, I think we’re serving better. I’ve finally convinced my kids not to waste food. We’re having real talk about the importance of being responsible with food choices, not eating so much junk. They’ve seen the stores. They know the crap cereal they prefer, the fruit snacks, the chips aren’t as easy to get now, so they are self-rationing when they eat them. I suspect a lot of people are doing the same thing. In the long run, this will make us healthier. Once everything settles down we can continue eating healthier— if we remember.

    I think that’s the key to staying sane in fluxtopia: look for the positives. Look for the things you see that are making the world better, and remember them when everything settles down. Adapt to the bad things, make smart decisions about your health and income. But don’t dwell on them. Dwell on the positives and when this all settles down — remember.

Posted on : By : dscottmaiorca Posted in : health

Little Actions Yield Big Results

“I think you have an eating disorder,” Chrissy said. I was in college and desperate to lose weight. I had invited several friends over for lunch. Chrissy and I were standing in my kitchen by my fridge. I had carefully taped swimsuit models from a J Crew catalogue on my refrigerator door. I had put them there to remind myself why I was dieting. It was a motivational strategy. I figured if I saw the beautiful women every time I went to the fridge, I’d eat less. I wanted to be skinny so I could have women like that. 

“Nah, it’s just motivational,” I said. Besides, guys can’t have eating disorders.

I was wrong, very wrong. Guys can have eating disorders, and in hindsight I definitely had one. 

I assumed the only way a beautiful woman would be interested in me was if I was thin, and the only way I would be thin was if I starved myself. I skipped meals, I drank SlimFast, I ate nothing but raw vegetables, and I hated it. I hated my body, and myself.

I think we’ve all been there. Trying to change ourselves, because we think we have to, so that other people will love, or approve of us.

The only person’s approval you need is your own. I know that sounds cliché, but it’s true. The only reason to lose weight is because you want to. 

Are you reading this because you want to change? Or are you reading this because you think other people want you to change? 

Think about these questions for a minute. It’s as important to know why you are trying to lose weight, as how to do it. In my experience, it makes all the difference between success and failure.

One of my favorite lines from Shakespeare is this: Above all: to thine own self be true. I thought I understood this when I read Hamlet in high school, but like how I thought I understood eating disorders, I was wrong.

Know thyself isn’t just a Shakespearian idea, it may be a universal truth. It was written above the entrance to the oracle of Delphi. It’s the key to any change you hope to make. 

So, how did you answer the questions. Are you wanting to change because you want to change? If you know the answer is yes, then you are ready.

You need to understand change happens slowly. If you are extremely over weight, morbidly obese like I was, there isn’t a quick fix. You didn’t become morbidly obese over night. It took a long time, maybe months or maybe years. You can’t undo it quickly, and you don’t want to. 

Quick fixes may seem great at the time. Using just about any fad diet you can lose weight. Pushing yourself on crazy workouts you can lose weight. But in both those cases most people can’t keep the weight off. Most people eventually gain all the quick-weight-loss weight back and more. Why?

It’s simple: if you restrict yourself, cut calories, or push your body in extreme ways, eventually you quit. If all you do is look at your body as a machine and do simple calorie in and calorie out math you will lose weight, but you miss the biggest part of the equation. That part is you. 

Your body isn’t simply a machine that you can tune up by cutting calories or massively working out. Your body is part of you. There is a connection between your body and your mind. Your thoughts, and what you focus on, shape your body as much as any diet or workout ever has.

Don’t misunderstand me: what you eat and how you exercise affect your body, but what you think affects it even more. You need to believe a few things about yourself to be successful in changing your body. You won’t believe them at first. If you believed them already, you wouldn’t be reading this. With a little bit of effort, you will believe them.

You can change your habits.

You can change your body.

Eating healthy is easy.

Exercise is easy.

You can do this.

I know they seem simple, but you’ll surprise yourself at how powerful they are. I know I did.

Posted on : By : dscottmaiorca Posted in : Uncategorized

Writing Itself

This still feels a little surreal to me. I was interviewed for a writing podcast called Writing Itself. Sean, the host, is narrating some audio books for me. He has an AMAZING. Voice, and is a pretty decent fellow. He’s a loser a writer, and like all writers likes to talk about writing. The episode is about a half hour long. I still don’t like hearing my own voice played back to me, but it was fun to talk shop and slide further into my new writer’s life. You can listen to me ramble here. I f that doesn’t work use this link. https://writingitself.com/listen-here

Posted on : By : dscottmaiorca Posted in : health|Uncategorized

Stepping on The Scale

Eventually these health post will go in the health section, but for right now they’re here. Why is a writer starting their writer’s site with health post? Its easy, until I figured out the relationship between my mind and body I couldn’t figure out how to write, or fully live for that matter. Here goes the first post:

I stepped on the scale. It had been nine months since I started my journey, and I was in uncharted territory. The scale read two hundred thirty nine pounds. I almost cried. I texted my best friend. For most people, two hundred thirty nine pounds would make them cry tears of desperation. For me, it was sheer joy. It gave me a level of confidence I hadn’t experienced since I was a kid.


A few years earlier, I stepped on the scale at my doctor’s office: three sixty five. I quit stepping on the scale after than, even refusing at the doctor’s office. I was in bad shape; my heart would periodically race. I wound up in the emergency room to stop it. Every time I checked my blood pressure it was high. I was always tired. I was depressed.


Even though I refused to step on the scale my pants kept getting tighter. Everything kept getting worse. I decided to change. I had to change.


I’ve been overweight since I was five years old. My parents stocked up on Ding Dongs and I found them in the freezer. In a matter of one winter, I went from being the skinny kid in kindergarten to being the fat kid. My parents did what they could. Tried to restrict my food. Tried to get rid of junk food. Tried to tell me about diets. They tried to help, to tell me to lose weight.
I was overweight, but I was healthy. I was an active kid: swam, played soccer, hiked. I was always active. I just ate too much, and as I gained weight, I ate more.


Growing up fat meant I was the butt of almost every joke. I had man boobs before the girls in my grade got theirs. Although I didn’t realize it until recently, I learned to be ashamed of my body. Between the kids’ jokes, and well-meaning parents talking about dieting, I became ashamed of my body.


When I stepped on the scale in the doctor’s office I was in my late thirties. I had spent over thirty years being ashamed of my body, being ashamed of who I was. When I stepped on the scale in the doctor’s office, I almost gave up. As my pants started getting tighter and I realized I wasn’t going to see my kids grow up — I changed.


I started walking, only a few blocks at first, but I started walking every day. I got up, fed my kids breakfast, took them to school, and then went for a walk. We were living in the Rockies and it was November. It was cold, but I walked. It snowed, and I walked. The schools closed because of the snow and ice, and I walked.
Eventually, I worked up to three miles a day every day. It took several months, but I got there. My weight went from what I suspect was three eighty to two ninety five.


Then we moved and I started a new job, and the walking stopped. Some of the weight returned. I kept my weight between three hundred and three hundred twenty for several years. I felt good, but I still wasn’t there yet. I tried dieting, I tried different workout programs, but nothing stuck until this year. It’s been nine months since my change. The last time I weighed in, I weighed two hundred thirty seven pounds. I’ve lost sixty three pounds in nine months and I’ve learned to accept my body. I’ve learned to not let other people judge me. I’ve learned to wear tank tops in public.
As silly as that sounds, wearing tank tops in public has been a revolutionary act for me. It’s hot where I live and tank tops are very comfortable. I’d wear them while working around the house or doing yard work, but every time I left the house, I’d change into a regular shirt. I thought I did this because of some fashion sense, or class.
After that weigh-in I remembered why I wore jackets, even in the summer in high school. I wore them to hide my man boobs. My T-shirts were always too tight and showed my body. I was terrified of what other people would think of my body. I knew what I thought.


At two thirty seven I am still overweight, but I am proud of my body. It’s mine and I refuse to let anyone fat shame, or to let me fat shame myself. I decided that day I would wear tank tops in public when it’s hot. The first time I felt like I was in a naked dream, you know the one where you’re giving a speech or something and you realize you don’t have any clothes on. As I walked through the store I felt nude, vulnerable. I wasn’t hiding my body. Everyone could see my body. At first I feared what the other shoppers would think. Then I started to remember all of the times someone made me feel bad about my body, then I didn’t care. I was comfortable and I looked good. Sure, I’m technically overweight, but so are most people. Besides, it doesn’t matter. I feel good and I understand myself. That’s worth more than anyone else’s opinion.


After a lifetime of struggling with my weight and self image, I was finally free.


If you’re reading this, I assume you can relate. Maybe you haven’t been overweight most of your life, like me, or maybe you have. It doesn’t matter. We are taught, from a young age, what beauty is, and almost none of us live up to that image. You don’t have to, but you do want to be healthy, both mentally and physically. You do want to get control of yourself and your body. You wouldn’t be reading this if you weren’t ready for change.


If you want to change, this might will help you. I will share my experiences with you and help you find your own path. Despite what I thought I knew, weight loss and getting healthy isn’t hard, and it isn’t expensive. It’s about you deciding to change. It’s about you understanding that real change happens slowly. It’s about you learning about yourself, and your body